mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
