Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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