I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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