i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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