I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
