I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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