Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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