Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
