last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
