Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
