the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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