Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
