it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
