When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
