Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
