were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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