Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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