if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We need to get me chipped asap
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
