I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize