you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
