I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
