and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
