my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
