i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
