I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
