i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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