One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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