I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
