No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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