I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When did angry sex become our thing?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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