Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
