Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
