ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
