that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
