It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
