i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
