Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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