So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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