ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
