i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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