He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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