Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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