I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
