you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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