To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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