fuck your aforementioned shoe
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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