she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
too bad you live with your parents still
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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