Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
ttyl tear gas
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
