I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
