He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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