Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
