We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
