bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
