im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
