Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
