hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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