so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
did you just send me my own nude
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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