could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
