just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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