You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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