Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she told me i tasted like america
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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