The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
