where am i from again
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
