I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
