what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize