i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
