Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
