when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
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no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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